Nineteen Years of Existence

Nineteen years of existence.

For the last few years, the debate whether people can change is really an interesting one for me because I've found out that all I ever do is change.  I've been waking up every day as someone slightly new. One day I’ll wake up and loving to hate what I loved and the next day, I’ll hate what I used to love.  Isn’t it wild and interesting and exciting that every day we are new?

Back then, I’m the kind of person who always want to hear only compliments from others and afraid of hearing bad comments about me. I’m not comfortable on hearing my mistakes and someone correcting me. I was so scared that someone might find out my weaknesses. But people do changed so am I.  I’ve now woken up everyday not wanting but needing to create a much better me than yesterday. I’m now always seeking my mistakes and wanting people to correct me. So all I ever do is to learn from those mistakes so I won’t make the same ones again.

Since first grade, I’ve been debating with myself if what I will want to do with my life. The first thing that comes into my mind when I think of it was to be a doctor, an ophthalmologist to be exact. Then again, I’ve woken up the next day wanting to teach. Then another day to be a painter inspired by my father, and found out I’m a loser at that field. Then modeling and photographs catches my attention and that interest me until now. Then I entered high school and my new goal is to be a writer. I was inspired to all the love stories that I’ve read. So I began practicing in creating my own stories but I always ending up not finishing what I started. I just can’t finish them, lack of inspiration, time and passion. Then my interest turned to music. I found out singing makes me happy then discovered singing does not love me back so instead of singing, I tried to learn  to play a musical instrument which is guitar (when in fact I’ve always want to play the piano since I was a child). It’s like I have no contentment if what I really want to do with my life. What I knew is to experience all the kind of job that is existing. I want to try everything, to experience everything.  So with that I’ve finally found out what I really wanted to be. One thing is for sure. I want ADVENTURE!

So the rest of my high school life till now, I only dreamt of one dream and that is to travel around the world. The first time I laid my eyes on the map of the world, I’ve already got this feeling, this passion, this interest and this exaggerating happiness of the thought of traveling around the world. So I never let a day passed without knowing anything about new beautiful places that I will be adding on my list! Yes I kept listing all the paradise spot on earth that I’ve wanted to go someday. I want to capture all the magnificent masterpiece of our Creator, I want to see it with my own eyes, capture it and share it to everyone.  But then, after achieving all my dreams, what will I feel? Will I be satisfied? Will I feel the true happiness?

 I know feelings and people change because it happens to me little by little every day. I keep on wanting or dreaming over something and when I finally reached it, I’ll feel happy for the moment but that happiness won’t last longer. It fades easily. I can’t imagine how I dreamt of it before and now that it’s all in my hands, it seems nonsense. It’s meaningless. So in my nineteen years of existence, this is the treasure that I’ve already found out that WE SHOULD BE SAVORING EVERY MOMENT AND DON’T BE IN RUSH IN CHASING OUR PATHS, WE SHOULD ENJOY THE LITTLE DETOURS OF OUR LIFE, and TO THE FULLEST BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE WE’LL FIND THE THINGS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT WE WANT. So I’ve finally understand myself more even, it’s not that I really don’t have contentment but it’s just that what I truly want is SOMETHING THAT I CAN’T SEE IN FRONT OF ME.

enjoy the little detours ;)